Featured Articles
How To Completely Ruin Your Life Trying To Start Your Own Business
The Danger of Positive Thinking
Pets Grow Old And Die - What's The Use?
Low Expectations = High Success
How To Lose Money With Your Website
Not Only Does My Son Have A Learning Disability, He's Also An Idiot
Counterpoint: Anything is Possible if You Really Try - By: A Blithering Idiot
Honest Sentiments for Sappy Secretaries
If you're like me, you've had at least one job in an office with a bat shit crazy secretary who was fond of forwarding emails full of schmaltzy sentiments like, "A smile from a friend is like a wink from an angel", and, "Until they start taxing hugs, the gift of love will always be free!"
If it wasn't for the fact that most of these women haven't had their period since embarrassing themselves at a hula-hoop competition, they should all be spayed.
The following are some much more honest sentiments you can shoot back the next time one of these demented old coots drops a lump of gooey claptrap in your inbox:
- Good friends are like four leaf clovers. You think you’ve found something that’s one of a kind until you notice that it’s really just a torn three leaf clover in bed with your slut of a wife.
- There's a reason even whores will give away hugs for free. They're worthless.
- When I die, when God is finally done torturing me on this blue hell-rock, bury me upside down so he can kiss my ass.
- I dream that I am drowning in a cold, dark sea. The nightmare begins when I wake up.
- Let’s start a “Happy Olympics” where everyone can play and everyone is a winner! There could be a hug-a-thon, free-smile swimming, track and sharing, and all the medals could have fucking hearts on them.
- If God had a playbook, the cover would read: "How to Fuck Bob".
- Happiness is fleeting, but death is forever.
- If only my mom drank more when she was pregnant, I could be as blissfully retarded as you.
- Praying to God is like soliciting a Hell's Angel for a blow job. Either way, you're asking for trouble.
- Love is actually a one-way street - straight to hell.