Dumping Made Easy - Make Your Next Break Up As Painless As Possible (For You)

•Every road trip needs a destination. Choose a place that is believable enough to justify a road trip to that you know nobody in your family would actually want to visit, like Dollywood or some mediocre geological formation

•Before setting out, plan your route and research the roads you’ll take. The ideal route will be the longest, most circuitous path from A to B using as many roads undergoing major construction as possible

•Sometime during your trip crack open a beer while driving. When your wife complains, tell her to quit her nagging and remind her that she’s not your mother but the woman you married during a period of temporary insanity. Then turn to your kids and ask if anyone else has a problem with your trying to enjoy yourself a little for once

•When a family member reports needing to go to the bathroom, refuse to stop, citing your need to stay on schedule. Give them a bottle to use and promise to pick up some diapers during your next planned stop

•Corrupting popular road games as you drive is a good way to alienate your family. For example, suggest you play "once upon a time" where one person starts a story then passes it to the next person in the car who embellishes the story and so on. When it’s your turn, incorporate embarrassing secrets about your wife and/or kids into the narrative that you know they’d be devastated at having been disclosed to the others

•When choosing a place of lodging to rest for the night, stop in the seediest, most crime infested part of town and select a motel known for its high prostitution traffic

•Take even the slightest perceived infraction by another driver as an opportunity to engage in road rage. Be as vicious and ugly as possible, shouting the most obscene sexual references you can think of. Also, make liberal use of racial slurs if the other driver is of another ethnicity than you even if you’re not racist yourself. Remember, keep your eye on the prize

•Enforce a strict no food or water policy in the car, citing your fancy upholstery

•Make road trip CDs comprised of music your family members hate most. Few families are strong enough to endure being subjected to the sonic terror of artists such as Poison, Lawrence Welk, Cannibal Corpse and Cher trapped in a closed environment for hours on end

•Smoke in the car with the windows up. If you don’t smoke, start