How To Procrastinate - Tips For Putting Things Off Indefinitely Without Feeling Guilty

• Create a list of what you're thinking needs to get done. Making tangible just how much effort you'll need to expend to accomplish everything will help clarify how disagreeable even beginning to try would be. Next, tear up the list you made and put it in the trash, or merely let it fall from your fingers onto whatever you happen to be standing or lying over at the time

• Don't be too tough on yourself when it comes to deadlines. For example, if you assign all the tasks you need to get done deadlines well beyond your life expectancy, you can make a reasonable assumption that you'll be long dead before you even need to get started on anything

• If you regret not having called a family member or friend in awhile but are not looking forward to taking the effort to do so, focus on all the negative qualities that person possesses, then ask yourself if that jerk really deserves a call from you

• Never buy one of those personal calendar book things. You might be tempted to use it for its intended purpose

• Give yourself plenty of positive reinforcement for not doing things. For instance, if you've spent an hour putting things off, treat yourself to a six pack of beer and four hours of television

• Check your self-talk. Do you frequently say, "I gotta...," "I should...," or "I have to..."? Replace these phrases with "I choose not too...", "It would be a stupid waste of time to..." and "I don't wanna..."

• When it comes to finally initiating that healthy new lifestyle, remind yourself that you're more likely to die at a younger age getting hit by a car while jogging outside than smoking indoors

• School is a waste of time and money. You can learn anything you want to know on the internet or the Discovery Channel

• If you're not naturally motivated to maintain your relationship with your significant other, then there really is no need to bother going through the hardship of breaking up. Doing absolutely nothing for long enough will make this issue resolve itself

• One thing you can't procrastinate if you're going to become a proficient procrastinator is excuse making. For example, excuses such as, "I didn't finish the project on time because my mom died of cancer", and, "Oh, is there a dead body in my house? I didn't notice it because I fell off a roof when I was ten and lost my sense of smell" are best made in advance to promote believability. Note: be sure not to claim the same family member died of cancer more than once

• Always remember - no matter how many things are hanging over your head demanding to be done, the simple act of jumping off a building will take care of everything all at once