30 Days To Failure

What these people apparently haven’t heard of is the second law of thermodynamics. An expression of the tendency that over time, differences in temperature, pressure, and chemical potential equilibrate in an isolated physical system, the second law in the context of classical thermodynamics is a basic postulate applicable to any system involving measurable heat transfer, while in statistical thermodynamics, it is a consequence of unitarity in quantum theory. From the state of thermodynamic equilibrium, the law deduced the principle of the increase of entropy and explains the phenomenon of irreversibility in nature. In more layman terms, it describes why over time everything goes to hell. It explains why, after you spent your entire Saturday cleaning your house, it looks like complete shit again just two weeks later. It was formulated by the German scientist Rudolf Clausius, who was pretty fucking smart. Smarter than these organization-pumping neat freaks, that’s for sure.

Another intelligent person once said that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. I believe this axiom applies to cleaning and organizing. It’s just going to get messy again, so why bother?

Somebody else who was quite pragmatic said, ‘If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em’. This is smart because it guarantees that you’ll always be on the winning side, and there’s no beating a law of Physics. They don’t slap the law label on half-cocked theories willy-nilly. Your theory needs its stuff together to be called a law, no shit.

Joining the winning team in this case requires a bit of a paradigm shift. In order to unite with disorder and filth, you must learn to embrace disorder and filth. Doing so will save you months, possibly years worth of time over the course of your life.

Of course organization zealots claim that being organized will save you time, but this is only true if you’re violating the second law of thermodynamics by trying to get things done, which is, as we’ve established, the definition of insanity.

According to organized types, the first step to getting organized is to analyze the space you’re trying to “get into shape”, make a list of tasks you perform there and create functional zones designed to facilitate the execution of those tasks in the most efficient manner possible. Getting disorganized, on the other hand, requires no analysis whatsoever, so forget about it.

The next step to getting organized is to reduce clutter. The opposite can be said for getting disorganized. Instead of exerting a lot of effort tidying, pick up your trash can and empty its contents onto the floor. Then, throw the trash can out the window, or against the wall. Anything that could be categorized as trash from that point on can be dropped or tossed pretty much anywhere.

Finally, you’ll want to increase the entropy of your space. It’s going to happen over time anyway, so you might as well beat god to it. To achieve this, first scatter anything (papers, mugs, candy jars, trophies, etc.) purposefully situated on top of anything else (tables, cabinets, desks) into different, random parts of the room by using your hand and arm in swift, sweeping motions. Anything too heavy to be moved in this way (lamps, monitors, urns) can be picked up with two hands and thrown against the floor or wall. Likewise, anything hanging from the wall such as plaques, stuffed animal heads and family portraits should be removed and thrown at something in a forceful manner. Next, acquire the largest hammer you can and reduce the size of the larger objects in the room (i.e. the furniture) into smaller pieces by smashing it.

Like a room or office, life itself can be put into disarray in much the same way as described above. Merely replace words such as: ‘desk’, ‘trash can’, ‘smash’, ‘throw’, ‘stuffed animal heads’ and ‘furniture’ with the words and phrases: ‘job’, ‘wife’, ‘quit’, ‘cheat on’, ‘car’ and ‘drive into a sign post’.