Meaningless Life Coaching

The typical life coach is a charlatan somebody with way too much time and money on their hands hires to help assist them jerk their egos off by reinforcing the illusion that what they’re doing with their lives is meaningful, and that the world and their lives will somehow be better if they enlist the assistance of such a person to help them find more time to paint more water color sailboats and sunsets to sell out of their little beachside shops so they might pay David Beckham to come to their son’s soccer themed birthday party with their own money for once instead of writing checks from the joint account they share with their corporate lawyer husbands who they silently resent for being so co-dependent of while milking for the cash to pay for their unprofitable art shops, celebrity birthday guests, life coaches and physical trainers they’d like to fuck and possibly run away with if only they were fifteen years younger and it didn’t mean they’d have to move out of their palatial estates and into some one bedroom apartment in a less than ethnically homogeneous part of town.

This is because the objective of a typical life coach is to make money, and very few people want to pay to hear the truth when the truth happens to be that not only are they living a lie, but they’re living a lie that’s not even at all significant.

I am not the typical life coach. As a meaningless life coach, I believe I can really, truly not help people in a way that is at least honest – and for a lot less money.

How Does Meaningless Life Coaching Differ From Normal Life Coaching?

First and foremost, normal life coaches generally focus on giving you advice on reorienting your life in ways meant to help you achieve some kind of life goal. This is pointless and wrong because goals are dumb. If you have trouble fully assimilating this fact, a meaningless life coach can reiterate it ad nauseam until you get it through your thick skull.

In addition, a meaningless life coach can at least try to edify you on the non-existence of free will, which can be highly lucrative for the coach in the case you’re not ordained by the gazillions of events that have culminated in your asking the question in the first place to ever get your head around it, but have conferred in you a stubbornness to pursue futile endeavors for long periods of time even while being charged $1 per minute.

So Then, How Exactly Would Meaningless Life Coaching Benefit Me?

It won’t. I believe I already mentioned that.

So Why Would I Hire A Meaningless Life Coach?

Who the hell knows? Maybe you think it would be funny.

*To Hire Me As A Meaningless Life Coach, Email Me Here. Currently I am working only through email and charge $2.16 per response.