Featured Articles

Our Messiah - Dennis Brown

Steve Pavlina Is The Devil

30 Days To Failure

How To Completely Ruin Your Life Trying To Start Your Own Business

The Danger of Positive Thinking

Lucid Dreaming Is A Load Of Lucid Crap

Pets Grow Old And Die - What's The Use?

Low Expectations = High Success

Death = No Relief?

Wanted: Garden Gnome Thief

How To Lose Money With Your Website

Personal Development for Starving Africans

Fun With Suicide Notes

Meaningless Life Coaching

Free Will Is An Illusion

My Daughter's Poetry is Shitty

If God Exists, He Hates Your Guts

How To Fight (And Win) With Your Spouse

Look Out Disneyland, Here Comes Realityland

Writing Articles on How Dumb Things Are is a Stupid Waste of Time

Counterpoint: Anything is Possible if You Really Try - By: A Blithering Idiot

How To Score With Chicks - Tips For Shitheads

My First Wife Didn't Cheat on Me - She Died of Cancer

How To Procrastinate - Tips For Putting Things Off Indefinitely Without Feeling Guilty

Not Only Does My Son Have A Learning Disability, He's Also An Idiot

Old Man Asleep In His Own Feces Glad He Never Smoked

I Wish My Wife and Children Would Die in a Fiery Explosion



In The News

Headlines pulled from the news certain to dispel any vestige of doubt that there is no God or point to anything. (Updated frequently)

Fuck Facebook - A 63-year-old North Carolina woman was found shot to death in her home by an ex-boyfriend after having just recently posted her engagement to another man on Facebook... (More)

Skid to My Loo - An Okeechobee woman was killed Wednesday after a portion of a portable toilet crashed through her car's windshield, the Florida Highway Patrol said... (More)

Africa: Might Need a Few More Years to Sort Through its Gay Issues - Madieye Diallo's body had only been in the ground for a few hours when the mob descended on the weedy cemetery with shovels. They yanked out the corpse, spit on its torso, dragged it away and dumped it in front of the home of his elderly parents... (More)

He's Just Not That Into You - Sixty-three people, all of them women and children, were crushed to death on Thursday in a stampede at a temple in India when a gate collapsed triggering panic among the 10,000-strong crowd... (More)

Launch My Wife, Please! - Iran hailed on Wednesday the successful launch of a home-built satellite carrying a rat, turtles and worms, amid Western concerns Tehran is using its nuclear and space industries to develop atomic and ballistic weapons... (More)

Somebody Likes Booze - Woman's blood alcohol content topples state records... (More)

Blame Bob - A Queens dad with a split personality was busted Saturday for slitting the throats of his wife and 14-year-old son - and then blaming the horrific crime on his alter ego, cops said... (More)

Amelia Earhart's Got Crabs (or is it the other way around?) - ...The reason why they found a partial skeleton is that many of the bones had been carried off by giant coconut crabs... (More)

Fight Your Own Fucking War - (WWI) Soldiers also resorted to injecting knee joints with petrol, cutting their gums and inserting soap to create frothing associated with epilepsy and eating explosives to simulate jaundice... (More)

Defendant Fails to Bring Enough Poo for Entire Court - James Orr put an immediate halt to his criminal trial Wednesday when he squeezed the contents of his colostomy bag onto the table in front of him and ate it... (More)

Bears Drink the Free Milk, Eat the Cow - Officials are assisting the Ouray County Sheriff's Department in the investigation of the death of a 74-year-old woman who was found outside her Ouray home with portions of her body eaten by bears... (More)

Tough Blow for Gays - Conniving bird breaks up gay penguin air... (More)

Superman Punches Female Cop in the Face - Superman and Batman took on New York's Finest last night in an epic Crossroads of the World battle that left the Caped Crusader in cuffs... (More)

Parents Just Don't Understand - A teenage girl who claimed 56 stars were tattooed on her on her face as she slept when she asked for three has admitted she was awake the whole time – and lied because her father was "furious"...(More)

It's Okay to be a Gay (Dolphin) - Homosexual behaviour is a nearly universal phenomenon in the animal kingdom, according to a new study... (More)

Dead Guy Accumulates Parking Fines - A man's decomposing body inside a minivan covered in parking tickets went undiscovered for weeks because the vehicle's windows were apparently tinted and ticketing officers don't normally search cars, police said Friday... (More)

Arrivederci, Granny - A North Carolina woman reportedly dumped her aunt at a Salvation Army homeless shelter Sunday evening -- while indicating that she would not be returning to pick up the 96-year-old...(More)

Su Burro Esta En Fuego: A senior British Army officer and six other military personnel survived attack when a tethered donkey laden with explosives was detonated as their armoured vehicle passed in southern Afghanistan... (More)

The Definition of Irony: Church-Goers Like Torture More - According to a new study from the Pew Forum on Religion and Public Life, those who attend church at least weekly are more prone to say that torture is justifiable... (More)

Deadbeat Dad of the Year - Fourteen children by 13 different women in Genesee County and more than $530,000 in unpaid child support... (More)

At First I Thought They Meant Cops, Then Got Upset - Military researchers have dressed live pigs in body armor and strapped them into Humvee simulators that were then blown up with explosives to study the link between roadside bomb blasts and brain injury... (More)

Heroic Bobcat Martyred Fighting Suburban Sprawl - A bobcat walked into a roadside bar in Cottonwood. When it was over, two people were scratched and bleeding, and the bobcat was gunned down by police in a parking lot on Main Street... (More)

My New Hero - The ousted former president of a national organization of black Baptist churches is running for the position again, a decade after he was sent to prison for stealing millions of dollars from the group... (More)

A Model Family - They have a combined weight of 83 stone and claim £22,000 in taxpayer-funded benefits on the basis they are ‘too fat to work’... (More)

That Long? - Russian scholar says United States will collapse - next year... (More)

Gutter Ball - A man who brutally decapitated a homeless teenager and then used his head as a bowling ball has had his appeal against his conviction dismissed... (More)

8 More Shitting Assholes - Octuplets mom bears her enormous baby bump eight days before giving birth... (More)

Actually, It Is Pretty Funny - Pranksters in at least three states are messing with electronic road signs meant to warn motorists of possible traffic problems by putting drivers on notice about Nazi zombies and raptors. And highway safety officials aren't amused... (More)

Drug Czar (Non) Appreciation Day - A recently retired Mexican army general whose bullet-riddled body was found Tuesday near Cancun had taken over as the area's top antidrug official less than 24 hours earlier, officials said... (More)

Just the Right Amount Drunk - Rather than curbing a man's prowess in bed, new research from Australia claims that alcohol can actually improve sexual performance... (More)

Former French President Chirac Hospitalised after Mauling by His Clinically Depressed Poodle - The animal, named Sumo, had become increasingly violent over the past years and was prone to making 'vicious, unprovoked attacks', Chirac's wife Bernadette said... (More)

Britain "Fucked" - "The banks are fucked, we're fucked, the country's fucked." (More)

Sex offender wins $500,000 Alaska lottery - An Alaska lottery held to raise money for a group that helps sexual abuse victims had a surprise winner: a convicted sex offender... (More)

I Usually Just Use a Spatula and a Beaker - Butterfly sex is not as elegant an affair as you might think. It seems that male monarch butterflies conduct an all-out sperm war based on a crude measure of how much sperm is stored inside a female from a previous mating... (More)

Yummers - “An officer on death row was conducting a security check on 10 building when he observed what appeared to be blood on the face of (Thomas),” Clark said. He said Thomas told officials he had pulled out his eye and eaten it... (More)

Paging Dr. Durden - Probe into cosmetic surgeon who 'powered his 4x4 with his patients' excess flab'... (More)

Fuck Dubai - Brit Mike Parry flicked the finger at a speeding driver who nearly knocked him down in Dubai—and got locked up in a stinking jail for a month... (More)

Stupid Old Woman: "Hitler a 'Perfect' Boss" - History has condemned him as the megalomaniac who brought death and misery to millions. But for one woman, the name Adolf Hitler evokes a smile not a shudder... (More)

The Truth Hurts - Dad of shithead who killed himself after discovering there is no God blames author Richard Dawkins, not the God he he's so convinced exists... (More)

Even Whores Hurting - At Donna's Ranch, a brothel in Wells, Nev., most of the customers are long-haul truckers. High fuel and food prices have drained them of 'play money.' So the working girls sit and wait... (More)

Disabled Athlete Doesn't Overcome Shit - Prior to losing his right leg at the knee in a car accident sixteen months ago, Potter, 21, was considered Sonoma State's top player and a possible NBA prospect, but all of that is over now... (More)

The Coolest Teacher Ever - She seductively stripped down to her underwear – to the joy of her howling students... (More)

Mr. Wiggles is Not Your Friend - Two more children have told police they were approached by a sinister man dressed as a clown, after several other such incidents were reported... (More)

Sue God - A judge has thrown out a Nebraska legislator's lawsuit against God, saying the Almighty wasn't properly served due to his unlisted home address... (More)

Waste of Space - A half-ton man has died of heart failure despite a rescue attempt that saw his bedroom wall demolished so he could be taken to hospital on the back of a lorry (with graveside pics)... (More)

Taser 'em All, Let God Sort 'em Out - Police zapped a runaway sheep that was blocking traffic with a Taser stun gun, a weapon issued for use in violent situations... (More)

Enough for a New Shitter, Broad - A Kansas man whose girlfriend was physically stuck to the toilet in their home wins $20,000 in the state Lottery, for the second time this year... (More)

Apparently, Some People Still Havn't Heard of Pornhub.com - Fifteen people were killed and 10 others injured in a fire at a video-viewing establishment here in the early hours of Wednesday, police said... (More)

Union? We Don't Need No Fucking Union - Corporate India is in shock after a mob of workers bludgeoned to death the chief executive who sacked them from a factory in a suburb of Delhi... (More)

Smells Like Middle-Aged Spirit - A 33-year-old woman is charged with stealing her daughter's identity to attend high school and join the cheerleading team... (More)

Nitpeckering - Three people were shot dead and two others are fighting for their lives after a remark about a patron's penis size escalated into a bloodbath at a tavern in Umbilo, Durban, on Wednesday night... (More)

Cocaine: One Hell of a Drug (or: Only in Modesto) - Modesto police say a local man who tried to cut off his own arm at a Denny's restaurant thought he had injected air into one of his veins while shooting cocaine... (More)

Woman Loses Natural Selection Contest - a 42-year-old woman found dead last month in her blood-splattered Macomb County condo with no signs of injury to her body died after drinking too much water... (More)

From the "Maybe My Life Isn't So Bad After All" File - A one-legged hooker was killed in Brooklyn after a john hit her over the head, causing her to fall backwards out of her wheelchair and slam her skull against the wall, cops said yesterday... (More)

Park Bench Raped - Man Almost Loses Penis Humping Steel Bench... (More)

"He's Not Right" - Indiana kook busted for lewd act that involved tool, motor oil... (More)

SWAT Team Honored for Incompetence, Poor Marksmanship - On Monday, Minneapolis Police Chief Tim Dolan handed out honors to a team of officers involved in a botched raid at an innocent family's home more than seven months ago... (More)

Man Dies after Cop Hits Him with Taser 9 Times - Classic cop-ese: "At some point, something happened with his body that caused him to go into cardiac arrest or whatever." (More)

Child Born Minus Face - Her parents thought she might have a small deformity. They were totally unprepared for how she looked after birth... (More)

The Baddest Ass of All Time - Man cuts off own head with chainsaw after flat is earmarked to be bulldozed by developers (that'll show 'em)... (More)

Stimulus Checks Spent on Porn - President Bush's economic stimulus plan which involved sending cheques of up to US$1,200 to every taxpayer has provided a boom to the online porn industry, according to market research... (More)

Baby Racists Marked for Re-programming - Children as young as three should be reported for 'racism', Government-funded group claims... (More)

Star Pupil - A student who scribbled an expletive on an English language exam paper was awarded 7.5 percent for accurate spelling and effective communication... (More)

Man Dressed as Penis Disrupts Graduation - If I ever had a son that lived, I could only dream he would be as cool as this... (More)

Symmetrical Brains Lead to Love of Shopping - Striking similarities between the brains of gay men and straight women have been discovered by neuroscientists, offering fresh evidence that sexual orientation is hardwired into our neural circuitry... (More)

Big Crybaby to Get Fee Operation - A desperate young Chinese woman with a rare condition which has caused her legs to deform and treble in size is dreaming of a normal life after upcoming surgery in Taiwan... (More) - neat picture

Sylvia Plath Re-incarnated - Authorities say a four-year-old girl from Salley is recovering after she grabbed a gun out of her grandmother's purse and shot herself in the Harbison Blvd. Sam's Club Monday... (More)

The Washington Monument is Pissed - A woman who has a bizarre fetish for inanimate objects has married the Eiffel Tower... (More)

Get Outta The Fuckin' Road Part II - A man walking on Interstate 10 seeking help during the morning rush-hour commute was struck multiple times and died a "horrific" death, Arizona Department of Public Safety officers said on Thursday... (More)

The Luckiest Jury Of All Time - A panel of jurors saw an extreme hard-core pornographic movie today and is expected to see many more as it weighs whether a California porn producer, who uses the name Max Hardcore, has violated criminal obscenity laws... (More)

Gay Man Sensitive About His Crappy Music - Deputies arrest passenger who allegedly threw bottle after being called name for listening to Mariah Carey tune... (More)

Get Outta The Fuckin' Road! - Columbia police say a 25-year-old pedestrian was injured after he was run over twice Monday night... (More)

Democracy In Action: Melissa Barton said she is considering legal action after her son's kindergarten teacher led his classmates to vote him out of class... (More)

How About, "Which Teacher is Most Likely to Get Fired?" - ... Lyons said his daughter told him that the students were given a survey in science class that asked them to select a student they thought was most likely to die, get pregnant, or contract AIDS... (More)

The Funniest Pilot of All Time - A New York City man is suing JetBlue Airways Corp. for more than $2 million because he says a pilot made him give up his seat to a flight attendant and sit on the toilet for more than three hours on a flight from California... (More)

Me Likee Porn! - A council employee in Japan has been punished after officials discovered he had logged more than 780,000 hits on porn websites at work in nine months... (More)

Lynch The Landlord (or shoot him... whichever) - Oakland tenant, 94, held in landlord slaying... (More)

Man, Underage Vampire Slut Enjoy Masochistic Sex, Hungry Jack's Burgers? - Warwick Harold Acott met the girl after she saw a profile he posted on the website vampirefreaks.com... (More)

What About Dead Dogs? - New UK law describes prosecutable extreme sex, in part, as: An act which involves or appears to involve sexual interference with a human corpse or animal... (More)

Family Fun - Shocking pictures which show tearful five-year-olds forced to fight in kickboxing contests... (More)

Russians Are The Coolest - A Russian man trying to sleep off a night of after-work drinking failed to notice a six-inch (15-cm) knife in his back - until his wife woke him up... (More)

They Gotta Learn Somehow - A man was arrested on Sunday after he urinated on a 3-year-old child during a disturbance at a Clermont home, police said... (More)

Alien Scientist's HIV Research Obstructed by Police - A San Rafael man is facing felony drug and traffic charges after ramming other vehicles in what he called a secret government experiment for Area 51... (More)

Future Amateur Jail House Wrestler Practices on Head of Classmate - Student attacked with chair in school cafeteria. Unfortunately, despite the skills she's hard at work at crafting, there's no call for fat, ugly female wrestlers in the WWE... (More)

God Hates U.S. District Court Judge Richard D. Bennett - Judge orders liens on West Baptist Church building, law office... (More)

Pig Shoots Monkey - New details released on the fatal shooting of 17-year-old chimpanzee.. (More)

Father and Daughter Have Child - Mr Deaves admitted that he "initially" thought having sex with his daughter was wrong... (More)

Complete Ignorance = God's Will - Fla. Teens Believe Drinking Bleach Will Prevent HIV, Mountain Dew will stop pregnancy... (More)

Idiots Upset Over Honest Billboard - It looked harmless enough, but the words on a billboard unnerved so many people that a popular restaurant nearby actually lost business... (More)

Emo Es Mierda - Anti-Emo Riots Break Out Across Mexico... (More)

At Least He Aint Queer - Registered sex offender runs for mayor of Wilmer, TX... (More)

Skeleton Evicted From Primo Campsite - The grim discovery of a human skeleton, lying for years in a tent, was all too real for forestry workers hacking back trees in a remote forest on a Highland estate... (More)

From Pulling Pigtails To Ripping Entrails - Primary school children should be eligible for the DNA database if they exhibit behaviour indicating they may become criminals in later life, according to Britain's most senior police forensics expert... (More)

Where Nazis Go To Play Bingo - From the ground, the Wesley Acres Methodist retirement home looks like any other building. But fly over in an airplane, and the outline is unmistakable: It's one big swastika...(More)

One Day Someone Should Invent A Religion That's Not Totally Retarded - Indian woman gives birth to latest miracle child... (More)

Creepy Gnome on the Loose - A town in South America is living in fear after several sightings of a 'creepy gnome' that locals claim stalks the streets at night... (More)

Fascism 1, True Love 0 - Virginia state legislators passed a law Saturday that would require adults who French kiss a child younger than 13 to register as a sex offender... (More)

Get a Room - A school policy banning student hugging prompted dozens of east Valley students to protest with a giant group hug across the street from campus... (More)

I'll Take the Soap, Please - A Michigan nurse's aide abused an elderly couple by urinating in the woman's hair and pouring liquid soap on her husband's head, according prosecutors... (More)

I Heart Hookers - An Iowa casino worker says he should not have been fired for demanding that his co-workers provide him with prostitutes because the casino promotes Las Vegas-style gaming...(More)

Should Make for an Interesting Funeral - A man choked to death during a contest to see who could eat the most fairy cakes.... (More)

Good Grief - A national dance craze in Ivory Coast has spawned a black market in treatments claiming to increase one's bottom size...(More)

Welcome to Suicide Town - Population: 10,455... 10,454... 10,453... Two cousins from 'suicide town' hang themselves within hours as death toll rises... (More)

I Hereby Find You Very Strange - A Boston-based federal judge wore a black cocktail dress, fish-net stockings and high heels when police arrested him for drunk driving last week... (More)

Giving Bunny Monsters a Bad Name - Paedo Stephen Bryan dresses as an Easter bunny while working as a kids’ entertainer — before being caught in a police sting... (More)

If Only My Wife Was So Benevolent - The Highway Patrol says a 63-year-old woman accidentally drove over her husband in a traffic accident on Wells Road... (More)

Nobody Likes A Snitch - The State Attorney's Office will decide whether to charge two teens who admit they robbed a 9-year-old Girl Scout selling cookies outside of a Lake Worth supermarket...(More)

Never Trust A Bank Teller - A bank robber in York County may not have had a problem breaking the law, but it seems he was stickler for following instructions, police said... (More)

A Shocking Turn of Events - A kinky sex escapade ended this week with the electrocution death of a Pennsylvania woman and the arrest of her husband for manslaughter... (More)

Naughty Kitty - Amy Spencer can blame her cat for a shocking discovery she made when she moved into her South Austin new apartment: a stash of child porn... (More)

Teenagers Are Idiots - Coroner launches probe into 'internet suicide cult' after seven youngsters in one town hang themselves... (More)

Throw the Kitten at Him! - Man Pleads Not Guilty to Throwing Puppy Out Window (with a star witness like the one pictured, this guy doesn't have a chance)... (More)

Some Orders Shouldn't Have to be Made - Charges Filed in Defecation Complaint - It was a pretty foul thing that was happening at an apartment building on Schroeder Road...(More)

Maybe Things Aren't All That Bad - Man shoots himself in genitals during store robbery... (More)

Tit For Tat - Man sodomized step-son in revenge for raping his 8 year-old daughter... (More)

Kind of a Downer - The death of a five-week-old polar bear cub at Nuremberg Zoo has dashed Germany's hopes for a second bout of Knut-mania as keepers said they believed the baby had been eaten by its mother... (More)

Devil Kitten Lures Woman to her Death - A woman drowned when she apparently tried to retrieve a kitten from a 55-gallon rain barrel at her home southeast of Santa Fe. (Was it's name Behemoth, by chance?)... (More)

File Under: Why Didn't I Think of That? - A Natchez man shot and killed his wife when he mistook her for an intruder in their home, according to police... (More)

Girl's False Essay Wins Hannah Montana Tickets - An essay that won a 6-year-old girl four tickets to a Hannah Montana concert began with the powerful line: "My daddy died this year in Iraq."... (More)

File Under: Things That Never Happened to Me - Dozens of girls fought -- possibly about a boy -- outside a mall on Wednesday, and the brawl ended with mall security officers using pepper spray and police using Taser guns, authorities said... (More)

Bad Santa! - "Your mom sucks dicks and your dad is gay." Love, Santa... (More)

Happy Kwanzaa - Man Electrocuted While Decorating Tree with Lights - An effort to add holiday cheer to an East Palo Alto neighborhood ended in a gruesome tragedy Saturday when a man stringing lights in a tree at an apartment complex struck a high voltage power line, sending 12,000 kilovolts of electricity through his body and killing him instantly... (More)

How Magnanimous - Saudi Rape Victim Pardoned from Lashes - Saudi Arabia's King Abdullah has pardoned a teenage girl sentenced to six months in jail and 200 lashes after being gang raped, Al Jazirah newspaper reported today... (More)

Trapped in the Shitter - A man spent four days trapped in a toilet after the door handle broke... (More)

Halliburton Employee Confused About Health Benefits - After 22 year-old Jamie Leigh Jones was gang raped by fellow Halliburton/KBR employees the company warned her that if she left Iraq for medical treatment, she'd be out of a job... (More)

A Real Crying Shame (that it resumed) - Holiday light show resumes at vandalized site - Hoffman Estates police are still searching for the vandals who damaged the Christmas display of a resident and dragged him with a get-away car... (More)

Barnyard Orgy - Man Accused of Sex with Boy, Fram Animals Years Ago - According to a criminal complaint, Gordon Charles Anderson Jr., 24, of Georges Township, performed sex acts with the boy and with various farm animals on his property... (More)

Gotta Love that Old Time Religion - The Sudanese police arrested a British schoolteacher and accused her of insulting Islam after she allowed her 7-year-old pupils to name a class teddy bear Muhammad... (More)

It's a Hell of a Drug - Even after crashing his car, a hysterical man reached for a syringe and managed one intelligible word, "cocaine," a B.C. coroner's inquest heard Tuesday... (More)

Back to the Drawing Board - Naked man with nun's habit on head tried to lure girls, police say... (More)

Dead Klutzo! - In a (not really all that) sad follow up to a recently linked story (See "Bad Klutzo!" below), Klutzo the pedarest clown had died in prison... (More)

What's the Big Deal? - Man breaks into Carl's Jr's to make own burgers... (More)

The Most Horrible Story Ever Told - Pokin Around: - A real person, a real death... (More)

A Great Idea - A production manager pretended his young daughter had cancer in a scam to get time off work, a court has heard... (More)

CIA - Take Note - Police: Students Used Cookies to Torture - Two students at Southern Illinois University in this St. Louis suburb kidnapped, paddled and burned a young man with freshly baked cookies after a drug deal went bad (Question: were the cookies already in the oven, or were they baked specifically to be used as instruments of torture?... (More)

Bad Sparky! - Police are still looking into what exactly happened in a Waukegan apartment early Sunday morning when a dachshund chewed off the genitals of a 4-month-old boy... (More)

Lucky Stiff - A man killed in a Tustin wood-chipper accident was identified Thursday as Gabriel Gonzales-Ferrer, 24, of Orange... (More)

Hoodwinked by Pussy (It'll Get You Everytime) - Two months after a recent college graduate incurred $53,000 in charges at a gentleman’s club on Okaloosa Island, investigators are reviewing allegations of fraud and larceny... (More)

Mormons Are Stupid - Liquor control commissioner Bobbie Coray asked her colleagues on Wednesday to consider a rule to cover up bottles of booze displayed at restaurants because some diners may be offended at the sight of alcohol... (More)

Bicycle Molester Apprehended - A man has been placed on the sex offenders’ register after being caught trying to have sex with a bicycle... (More)

Swallows Vs. Swallowers - Area's wooded terrain becomes contested ground for 2 groups at odds: Bird-watchers and gay men seeking sex... (More)

Our Country is Quite Clearly Being Run by Idiots - The State Department with great fanfare on Tuesday signed an agreement with landlocked Mongolia that will allow Mongolian ships to be boarded and searched if they are suspected of carrying weapons of mass destruction... (More)

Phantom Pooper on the Loose - A phantom pooper is taking a squat in the back of one Idaho Falls neighborhood. "If the wind blows in that area, you can smell it through our back door."...(More)

"Bad Klutzo!" An Illinois man who worked as a "Christian clown" named Klutzo was arrested yesterday on child pornography charges for allegedly taking naked photographs of young boys at a Philippines orphanage... (More)

His Silence Mistaken, Deaf Man Attacked - A store cashier struck a deaf customer in the head with a crowbar after he mistook the man's silence for rudeness and disrespect, police said... (More)

Tennessee Barber Kills Self in Front of City Council After Vote - A barber with strong ties to the military community pulled out a gun and shot himself in the head at a City Council meeting after his request for a rezoning measure was rejected... (More)

Missouri Man Faces 30-Year Prison Term for Stealing 52-Cent Doughnut - Scott A. Masters, 41, has been charged with felony second-degree robbery after employees at a Country Mart in this town 70 miles south of St. Louis said he slipped a 52-cent doughnut into his sweat shirt without paying last December... (More)

From the Department of Things My Wife Could Do in Her Sleep - A small Russian city just got a really big addition: a 17-pound, 1 ounce baby whose mother had already delivered 11 other children... (More)

Man Fishing for 11 Year-Old Tail Baits Hook With Dolphin Tickets - A CBS-TV employee is accused of soliciting sex from an 11-year-old girl in exchange for tickets to a Miami Dolphins football game, police said... (More)

Man Gets Banned From K-Mart for No Reason - It seems nobody has a sense of humor anymore. Particularly managers of discount chain department stores... (More)

Wrongly Accused Woman Held for 70 Years - A woman who spent 70 years in institutions after she was wrongly accused of theft has been reunited with her long-lost family... (More)

Man's Arm Salvaged From Alligator's Belly - (Selected more for the injustice inflicted on the alligator) - They were feasting on roast pork and dancing the Macarena while picnicking at Lake Moultrie on Sunday afternoon when a man in snorkel gear stumbled through the tree line, grasping at his left shoulder where his arm used to be... (More... With Pictures)

Man Admits to Urinating on Ill Woman - A Hartlepool man is facing jail after he urinated on a disabled woman who lay dying in the street... (More)

Vacuum and Toilet Cleaner Sex Aid Burglar Avoids Jail - A man who broke into a neighbor's home west of Brisbane and used her vacuum and a bottle of detergent as a sex aid has avoided jail... (More)

Two South African Men Steal Hearse for Pub Crawl - Two South African men have been arrested in Soweto for allegedly going on a drinking spree in a stolen hearse with a body in the back... (More)

Bush Tells Biographer: 'I do tears' - Under that famously self-confident exterior is a president who weeps — a lot... (More)

Girls Ripped Off At Lemonade Stand - Police in Arizona are looking for two women who ripped off some kids at a lemonade stand. The kids set up the stand to make money for a summer trip to San Diego... (More)