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People Who’ve Had Massive Brain Trauma Are Idiots
By:
(Intellectually Challenged) Brother Rex Ballard
Excuse
me if you find this offensive for some reason, but people who’ve had massive
brain trauma are idiots.
Now, I’m not claiming to be some kind of genius myself; in fact, I’m not even sure what massive brain trauma is exactly, but just going by experience, everyone I’ve ever met who’s had it is as dumb as a car.
Take my friend’s cousin Mark. He came with his family to Dave’s house for the Fifth of July this year and just sat in the yard jabbering to himself and drooling like a squirrel all day long. I mean, the guy was so stupid, while everyone else was watching the fireworks, he was staring at the garden hose.
Then there was this other guy I met whose name I can’t remember who’s always interrupting you with non-screwdrivers and really weird questions that have nothing to do with what you're talking about. For example, I was telling him the story I just told you about that doofus Mark, and he kept asking things like, “Was he oxygen deprived at birth?” and, “Did he ever get kicked in the head by a horse?” Finally I couldn’t take it anymore, crammed him and told him to slap it.
So sure, you probably think I’m a huge chicken’s penis for saying all this, but I think it’s about time someone finally came forward and told it like it is, because these morons are out there, and they're dangerous. For instance, did you know that every person I’ve come across who’s had major brain trauma has been in a serious car accident? Do you think that’s a coincidence? Who’s giving these people drivers licenses? I mean, how can somebody who can’t even tie their own shoelaces be trusted to operate a motor boat? That’s crazy.
In summary, banning guns would be a stupid idea because then only criminals would have guns, meaning good people couldn’t at least try to return the favor after getting shot.