Personal Indifference For People Who Don't Give A Crap

This site won't help you do anything. I'm not trying to help you become more focused, motivated or confident. As the most happily apathetic, bitter and cynical person possibly inhabiting the planet, I'm not qualified to do so, and furthermore, I couldn't care less. If you're deluded enough to think your life could be made meaningful if only you might happen across the right website to assist your personal development into something other than the aimless, insignificant conglomeration of matter you are, fine; but this isn't the one. Like life itself, there is nothing meaningful to be found on this site. The Church of Apathy is a place for those enlightened enough to understand that there is no god, meaning to life, or such thing as free will to enjoy our indifference and the failure it inevitably breeds, because it is easier and, within the context of the big picture of the impermament universe in which we reside, holds the same value as trying and "succeeding" - absolutely zero. That's it.*
- Reverend Bob

Be sure to bookmark this site, so you can return to it again and again. Millions of imaginary visitors begin their days by spending 15-30 minutes here and report that it helps them resign themselves to the pointless drudgery the remaining twenty-three and a half hours is certain to bring.

*Note that it is not beyond my intellectual grasp to realize that the effort put into creating this site constitutes an act of trying, rendering all of it a farcical contradiction of itself, but what the hell. Free will is an illusion, and if it should please the universe to have me make a complete hypocritical ass of myself in this way, so be it. What else is new? All the gazillion events leading up to this one since the Big Bang have been against me. Not smart enough not to do stupid, useless things, just astute enough to recognize how stupid, useless and embarrassing they are. If there was such thing as luck I'd be Steve Pavlina or Tony Robbins, shooting sunbeams out of my ass, making millions selling lies about choice, courage, hard work and success, but there isn't, and even if there was, I'd have none.

Recent Blog Entries

February 6, 2010 - My Yearly Oscars Rant: And the nominees are...

Best Picture: Avatar - I'm the only one on this god forsaken planet who hasn't seen this, but I know its crap. God forbid the academy continues to discriminate against the shitty movies most people go to see in the interest of maintaining their integrity over selling out to the idiot hordes. At this rate Nicholas Cage actually stands a chance to win another Oscar. Fuck Avatar and fuck everybody who saw it.

A Serious Man - Good flick, wonderful message: No matter how good a person you are and how much you try, horrible shit will happen.

Best Actress: Sandra Bullock for "The Blind Side" - Really? Sandra Bullock gets a nod for this dreck yet Benicio Del Toro can't get the time of day for Che? Del Toro became Che Guevara in that movie. Whether Bullock became that broad who adopted the big black kid, nobody knows. Nor should anybody care.

Best Foreign Film Not Nominated: Sin Nombre - Easily one of top five movies of the year, and yet it gets beaten out in the foreign category by the likes of "Ajami". Ajami? Is it mandatory that a mediocre film about Israel that nobody's ever heard of be nominated every year? Apparently the Hondurans don't run Hollywood after all.

Until next year, fuck it.

December 31, 2009 - Top Five News Stories from 2009 That I Couldn't Give A Shit About:

June 28 – Billy Mays dies of a cocaine overdose. Or from a slow brain bleed suffered due to an inability to follow basic airplane seatbelt instructions. Either way, the only difference I've noticed on Earth since is that channel 63 is much less loud as I flip through on my way to something a sane person would watch on television.

June 25th – Michael Jackson overdoses on everything: Dwelling on the thought of all the "Best of" albums he still had to re-release might be sad - if it wasn’t for the fact that his record company will put them out anyway. And that his music sucked.

December 20th - Brittany Murphy drops dead: A truly unique, irreplaceable… Oh, wait. There are other moderately talented, semi-attractive, neurotic actresses currently residing in the Los Angeles area willing to be paid good money to appear in major motion pictures? Never mind.

July 4th – Steve McNair murdered by his girlfriend: This story did help clarify the age-old question – "Once pro athletes get too old to be any good, do they continue to exist?" Apparently so – until one of the emotionally unstable broads they're fucking on the side comes home from their job at Dave and Buster's and ventilates their face with a semi-automatic hand cannon.

July 6th – Oscar Mayer, Chairman of Oscar Mayer Foods, kicks the bucket: Fine. Do you know what's in those hot dogs? These days, probably Oscar Mayer. Disgusting.

June 3rd – David Carradine dies of auto-erotic asphyxiation: Awesome. Went out like a champ.

November 29th, 2009 - Invasion of the Palinites - An ominous preview of what lies ahead after the political tide "shifts" back to the right: Interviews with Sarah Palin Book Signing Atendees

November 1st, 2009 - Some helpful pointers for avoiding a monotonous, amicable separation from your spouse: Ten Tips for Spicing Up Your Divorce

September 26th, 2009 - The results of the First Annual Chuurch of Apathy haiku contest are in! This year's winner is 11 year-old Brandon Von Till, with his entry "Pointless":

Eleven years-old
Seventy or so to go
What's the friggin' point?

Congratulations Brandon! Runners up and more notable entries here

September 5th, 2009 - Aptly named, a new article illustrating the misconceptions surrounding the misplaced glorification of freedom: Freedom Stinks

August 13th, 2009 - Healthcare, Fuckcare - So I was minding my own business yesterday, walking by a local high school on my way back from 7-11 with a bag full of Cheetos, two packs of Marlboro Lights, a coconut popsicle and what later turned out to be the latest free edition of Gay and Lesbian Times which I apparently mistook for the latest free edition of City Beat (the near-naked man flexing his muscles on the beach under the headline "Summer Sizzles" might have been a tip-off), when a man appeared from behind a hedge and said, "You look like the kind of guy who could use twenty bucks", and I said, "How can you tell?", and he pursed his lips and said he could just tell. I quickly confirmed his theory, and he offered me just that amount of money to hold a sign and shout things at a some kind of meeting inside the gym - an offer I quickly accepted.

Walking inside, my sign on my shoulder and popsicle in hand, I encountered sheer bedlam. All kinds of people with all kinds of signs were yelling all sorts of stuff and looking really angry. Despite the saturated decibel level and not being particularly angry, I figured I should earn my pay.

"Just say no! Just say no!" I started yelling, per the mystery man's instructions, until I was interrupted by this old, bespeckled mouse of a man who strode directly up to me, squinted me in the face and called me a "Nazi". Now, assuming that, their philosophical handicaps notwithstanding, there were plenty of decent, respectable Nazis, I didn't think much of it. But then he called me a rapscallion, and I got pissed. Real pissed. And next thing I knew, I was breaking my hand across his wrinkled old face.

So not having any insurance, I'm out about two grand for my busted hand - minus that twenty bucks. What the fuck? This country's healthcare sucks. Somebody should do something.

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